To My Son,

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of becoming a mother. I knew I wanted a big family too. Perhaps it was because I was an only child due to my mother’s illness and her inability to have more children at such a young age. I also knew how deeply she wanted more children. I used to look at big families, yearning to have a brother or sister. My friends complained about their siblings, while I deeply longed for the sibling rivalry they felt burdened by. Motherhood is a fascinating journey, filled with eager anticipation, unexpected blessings and detours we never see coming. I became a mother to your sister Taylor at the age of twenty-four. But when you came into the world on September 5, 1997, our manageable family of three grew to four – and with that came many unforgettable, exciting and unplanned experiences. At the age of twenty-seven, you were my first son, bringing many new adventures we shared together, including your extremely high energy, passionate curiosity to see and touch everything and your insatiable ability to get through each day without a nap. Throughout your toddler years, visitors who came to our home often asked us why each room was decorated from the waist up. But after meeting you, they quickly found their answer – realizing that anything within your curious reach needed to be moved to avoid certain disaster.

As you grew older, we started noticing your high energy and particular social skills were even more obvious when compared to other children. On most days, you entered each room at full speed, unaware of anyone or anything in your way. Many times, this drew attention to you, especially from other parents who didn’t appreciate your deep desire to make friends with their children through unconventional methods. At times, I wondered if your unique personality was something that needed to be changed, so that you could conform with the other children around you. This was probably due to the usual piercing looks and unsolicited comments I received from others. They felt inclined to provide their advice and solution to what appeared to be a problem. I thought if you had less energy and better social skills, perhaps you would be able to play with the other children more appropriately. Doctor’s appointments, therapy visits, calls from other parents and a lot of prayer filled my days. In the midst of searching for answers, I remember stumbling upon Psalm 139. As I read the words, the text jumped off of the page, taking my breath away. Suddenly, a verse I’d read many times before, provided new and life-changing meaning. My eyes filled with tears as I re-read the text over
and over again, stunned by my new revelation: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you” (Psalm 139:13-18 NIV). I was speechless, as the reality of these words revealed God’s beautiful creation of you, a creation He knew about and specifically planned before you and I locked eyes together the day you came into this world. The moment I held you to my chest with tears rolling down my face, was when I gave you to God and asked Him to use you to glorify His name. As I read the words of the psalm, I realized I had convinced myself there must have been a mistake, because you had challenges so many other

children didn’t have. Making friends and completing even the simple task of staying in your seat in
school weren’t easy for you. In that moment, a peace overtook me, in the midst of a thousand
questions I still had. The Bible is filled with God’s promise that we all have a purpose: “Before I
shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for
you: A prophet to the nations—that’s what I had in mind for you” (Jeremiah 1:5 -The Message).
None of us will ever be perfect according to earthly standards, but a perfect God created you just the
way you are and that is something beautiful to celebrate. God doesn’t make mistakes!

As I reflect on the last 21 years, watching you grow from an energetic toddler to a curious little boy,
to a young man navigating the world, trying to find your place in it, I find myself in awe of our God
who knew you before the beginning of time. He knew on this day where you would be, what you
would be searching for and the challenges you would be facing. He also knew the amazing plans He
had for the young man He made you to be in this moment in time. As a mother, I’ve always searched
for ways to teach you and inspire you to grow into a man of strong character. But, throughout the
journey of motherhood, you’ve taught me more than I could ever have taught you:

Love people exactly where they are in life.
Accept differences in others as gifts to be inspired by.
Be a genuine reflection of how God created you.
Be authentic to who you are deep within your soul.
Don’t change anything about you, to be what the world tells you to be.
Celebrate the uniqueness of everyone.
Don’t spend time comparing yourself to others.
God created all of us for a divine purpose.

Knowing the difficulties you continue to face, when friends and family ask me how you are doing, I
no longer try to avoid the truth. I’ve come to realize that being honest about the road our family has
walked with you down, has been filled with lessons that have blessed my life beyond measure. It is
the story I yearn to tell others, so that they too can be encouraged by the journey we’ve walked. Even
in the midst of unanswered prayers and a future that sometimes appears daunting, please know what
God says about you: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and
not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11 – ESV). I don’t profess to understand
why God chooses certain people to walk more challenging paths, but I trust that He is sovereign and
His plan is absolutely perfect. God knew you before time, He’s walked with you every step of your
life and He’s already waiting for you in all of your tomorrows. I’m so thankful to be your mother –
the mother of a remarkable and inspiring young man who God deeply loves and created for an
amazing purpose.

Happy Birthday! I love you my sweet son!
Love, Mom